You Now Can't Eat a Bag of Dicks in 11 States

Okay, so they're going to keep counting the votes, which is admirable. At least Kerry is keeping his promise, which is good.

But let's, for the moment, assume Bush has won. Again. For some reason.

Who is this good for?
Republicans
Other people who voted for him
Zell Miller
Political Satirists/Angry New York Performance Artists*
Robert Novak, who can finally return his soul to Hell

Who is this bad for?
Democrats
Anybody who makes below $200,000 a year
Iran
Homosexuals
Fishes & Birds
The large majority of the International Community
Women
Young People
Devotees of law & order (the concept, not the TV show)

Who is this a draw for?
News networks. They managed to blather themselves into over-cautiousness, except Fox News, who called Ohio for Bush at about 12:30 last night. You, Fox News, can have all the bags of dicks I have left over.

In any case, enjoy your civil war, America!

Anybody else surprised that this "one day only" blog has now lasted for three days?

-alex


*Look, I know they voted for Kerry, and are probably kicking their stack of paint cans that is shaped like a red, white, and blue vagina right now, but secretly, this also means they can keep doing their anti-Bush performance art piece, which was doing very well at an alternative loft space in Williamsburg. So for them, it's a good thing.